Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Randomize
