My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
