yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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