my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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