on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So here I am, sexting at work.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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