masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
