that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
