no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
