Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
