This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
