Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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