I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
