I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
