HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
