my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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