i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
