YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
