Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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