i permit you to call me
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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