There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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