she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Two words: blizzard sex
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
