well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
