I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
