You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
