How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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