I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
