I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Randomize
