My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
