I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
