When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I need to calm my uterus...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
