Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
