If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
