laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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