so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
