his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
