I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
