I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
