Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
