i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You should frame my arrest warrant.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
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