I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Congratulations! We have a period
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
