I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
