Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
