I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
