There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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