Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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