What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
