Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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