I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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