I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
