I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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