I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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