you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
