Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
