A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
