happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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